Social Relationships: The Most Important Missing Ingredient

In the US, when someone is mentally ill, the accepted model of action tells us two things: take pills and see a therapist. Both can help, but reliance on these two resources is incomplete. Neither therapists nor pills are your friends, it’s true. Therapists are paid professionals and pills are mind-altering chemicals, and both cost a lot of money. We can’t deny something important is missing. Our mental health model needs to emphasize something else more. Something that really, really matters: social relationships.

If someone is feeling bad, instead of jumping to therapy and pills as standalone solutions, we should prescribe investment in social relationships. The power of people and their role in helping with others’ mental health is often overlooked and that’s a big mistake. Relationships are accessible in a way that mental health professionals and medication are not. Never can friends do the work of therapists and medication, but friends can do wonders that even the social workers, doctors, and pharmacists cannot (it goes both ways).

According to the book, Happiness Advantage, by positive psychologist Shawn Achor, investing in social relationships is the SINGLE smartest and most effective strategy for boosting happiness and wellbeing. In other words, if there’s just ONE thing to focus attention and energy, SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS would be the wisest investment. Shawn Achor cites the longest study on wellbeing (70 years) to back his claim with scientific evidence. “Like food and air, we seem to need social relationships to thrive” (Diener, Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth). 

When we have people we can count on, “we multiply our emotional, intellectual, and physical resources. We bounce back from setbacks faster, accomplish more, and feel a greater sense of purpose…The effect on our happiness…is both immediate and long-lasting” (Achor, Happiness Advantage). When we invest in people over time, relationships deepen and so does our happiness (along with the advantages of being happy). 

In a study titled “Very Happy People,” researchers sought to understand the characteristics of what makes the happiest 10% of people among us most happy? According to Achor (who presents this research in his book) there was only ONE characteristic that differentiated this group of people from the rest: the strength of their social relationships. Not family income, GPA, age, gender, race, or anything else.

Our need for human connection is understood from an evolutionary, biological perspective as well. In the absence of connection, our bodies crumble (by design). John Cacioppo, in his book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, shares results of over 30 years’ of research which show a lack of social connection is just as deadly as certain diseases. 

Researchers have discovered that “social support has as much effect on life expectancy as smoking, high blood pressure, obesity, and regular physical activity” (House, Landis, Umberson, Social Relationships and health). Loneliness can kill. Connection is our defense.

Strong social relationships protect us against what’s difficult in life (stress and hardship) while adding what’s good in life (strength & happiness). That’s why at Dork Dancing, we are investing so heavily in community, building these social relationships (part of our ethos & core values).

The research on the effects of therapists and pills is not as convincing, and yet we spend billions. Imagine if a similar type of investment was made on community approaches to solving mental health problems. Dork Dancing is not and cannot provide professional support. Instead, we can dance together, eat dinner together, date each other!?, make art together, travel together, play sports together, play games together, and be your friend. We know that matters most.

The best things in life are free, and yet they are often so difficult to capture and experience. We are doing our best to make that good stuff a bit more accessible & approachable.

Dork Dancing is a grassroots mental health idea, campaign, and community. Our efforts depend entirely on charitable giving to inspire impact. We hope you may consider supporting by donating.