A Whole New World
In 2019 I was feeling down. The quality of my work and relationships was off. I felt unfulfilled, misaligned, and disconnected. I walked in a city of millions feeling empty inside. I was lonely, and I wanted to feel better.
I thought of what worked for me in the past, when I felt joyful. I thought of brief, intense moments of joy and was reminded of experiences dancing in my room -- maybe this could help me feel better. So I turned on the music and gave it a try. I was having fun. Maybe this would be even better shared?
So I did what most millennials do when they feel lonely: I turned to my screen and retreated to social media. I decided to try something new by sharing my dancing online to a public audience (a few hundred Instagram followers) for the first time. It was a social risk because I was unsure what would happen, but I had a feeling it would be OK.
People responded well. It was encouraging. Yes, people “liked” my dancing, with some commenting that the video “made their day.” Overwhelmingly, followers reported/ shared positive emotions. Oh wow, that’s pretty cool! My small circle of followers not only accepted my dancing, but supported and encouraged more of it.
I felt better dancing AND it seemed to connect me with others, even if it was only online. There only seemed to be positives, so I continued. After months of dancing and occasionally sharing dance videos online, a follower called me a Dork and it clicked. Yup, that’s me and that’s how I dance. It’s Dork Dancing.
Posting on social media was no longer uncomfortable. I wanted to challenge myself by going one step further. Could I possibly do this outside? I was driven by my curiosity. What would dancing outside look and feel like for me? Would I be able to do it? How would I feel? What would this experience look like?
I didn’t want to record, or share. I just wanted to do this for me: to have an experience and learn something from it. That was the intention I carried leaving my room with my speakers in hand. I was headed for the park to face myself in a new and different way.
I found a quiet corner, away from the sidewalks and in the middle of the grass. There I laid the speaker and turned on the music, hoping it was loud enough for me but quiet enough to not draw attention. At first, I was slow and resistant. I wasn’t moving so freely, like I did in my room. The preoccupations of my mind distracted from the flow of my limbs. Yes, but I was moving. I was doing it. This was off, and funny.
Here I am, dancing out in public listening to music. I looked around working to identify the judgment of strangers. I didn’t find much. I noticed one person turned his head, but he just kept on walking. Hmmmm, yea. OK, this isn’t so bad. As time passed, I breathed easier and let my guard down some. I felt better to turn the music on more loudly and dance a bit more freely. As the volume increased, letting go of my concerns became easier. I was doing it. I was dancing.
Again I looked around, and despite the heightened volume, nearby walkers didn’t seem to mind. One couple stopped for a little bit, but again just carried on their day. Nobody was stopping me. I wasn’t doing anything illegal or bad. Just something a little different. Maybe this was OK. Maybe this was fun. Yes, I felt the adrenaline and the energy. Amazing. I couldn’t believe it. I really did this. I had fun, dancing alone in the park to music without anyone around. This is what I needed.
I returned to my apartment feeling prideful and my apartment took on new dimensions. No longer did I feel as trapped and contained. If I could dance in my room, then it’s true, I could dance in the park. And if I could dance in that park, maybe I could dance anywhere.
Like an indoor cat or excited dog looking out of the window, I felt entirely amused and amazed by the possibilities of what was outside. There within my reach, through that window, was an entirely new and different world. It was out there and I was in here. I could break free.
If you are interested in going through a similar journey, consider starting a Dork Dancing chapter, where I will work with you individually so you too may experience a personal breakthrough.