If you know me by video, or have watched me dance during Dork Dancing, you might think I'm a confident, sociable, happy, energetic, funny boy...but everyone has their past, including me.

The journey to create who I am nowadays was not easy. I had to fight not only against others who were always ready to let me down, but also fight against my negative thinking and self-doubt. 

From primary to high school, I was a centerpiece of insults & teasing. Other students considered me as a kind of toy, which they can treat the way they want. They even kicked and punched me sometimes even though I was doing nothing wrong. I wasn’t bothering them. There was one simple reason why they did it: I was different from them. They didn’t like my character and personality. I thought being silent and kind could solve the issue but no. They continued. When I got mad and fought back, that made it even worse. They got more excited and obviously I got hit by stronger kicks & punches.

Everyday going to school was a nightmare for me. I started a new day with a smile and came back home with tears and anxiety. I couldn't protect myself and my best friends weren't strong enough to protect me either.

I did not talk with my parents about this issue because I was scared to see their eyes turn worried. I was scared to make them disappointed and overly anxious. I was scared to go out in public, especially if I went out with my friends or parents, because I carried with me an obsessed mind. Someone might come, stand in front of us and tease me, saying something like “Thai is ***” look at the way he walks", "is that, over there, his parents?" I was totally scared of being judged and it continues to have an effect on me.

Because of bullying, I learned to enjoy living in my own room, where it was dark and only me. Here, I could be anything I wanted to be. When I was in my own room, I started with dancing and followed my favorite influencers like Lady Gaga, Beyoncé, and Whitney Houston. “Born this way " was always played in my room everyday, you don't know how strong this song impacted me. Day-by-day I practiced dancing by watching youtube. After some time practicing, I constantly rediscovered that dancing was my passion. 

Someone noticed my talent and invited me to dance in their event. I was confused at that time, but somehow I accepted their invitation. Before performing, I received those insults by my classmates at school. I thought I could have a perfect performance, I thought I could leave the dark and head into the light where everyone could acknowledge my passion, talent, and true self. But I ran back home.

Back to my own room, back to my dark side, crying in silence. I was scared my parents would learn what was happening and be disappointed. They were expecting me to perform but somehow my mom and sister found out I was still at home instead of on stage.

They came to me, asking what was happening. They tried to persuade me to go back to the stage but I refused crying in front of them. I explained everything. They thought I had issues with mental health because I cried so much.

They tried their best to comfort me. Dad wasn't at home at that time. My mom had to call him and tell him about everything. He listened and told me that "everyone acknowledges your talent. There is so much hate in your life. Do not ignore it. Fight for it, prove that you have talent. Don’t pay attention to the negative thinking about you. Pay attention to the people who always support you.”

Dad was saving me. Somehow my power was turned on one more time. I thought I had to meet the psychologist but instead I came back to the stage and performed like nothing had happened to me. Finally I accomplished it. I couldn't expect more. I received a big standing-ovation from everyone. It was like walking on air at that moment. It was such a motivation for me. It inspired me to keep moving. Keep fighting to prove who I am.

But nothing lasts forever. Moving into university was tough. I faced some challenges: loneliness, temptation, stress, homesickness. I felt addicted to alcohol, clubs, and some unserious relationships. These things were killing me everyday. One more time I lived in the dark side.

I used my smartphone lots, around 10 hours per day, just for entertainment, with the dating app too. I was totally out of control. I always went to bed at 1AM with a mind full of anxiety, regret, and self-hatred. I completely knew I had some problems with mental health, I knew I needed to change but I didn't know how to start. 

One day, I surfed Facebook and saw a post about Dork Dancing from Ethan. I was quite interested in this idea. The dance on the video was so cool, dancing with no care about what people around are thinking. It’s a thing I never tried or thought of before. 

I didn’t wait. Like a shot, I decided to join him. He texted me, telling me the location and what Dork Dancing is about. And then I arrived. I parked my motorbike and stood there for around 20 minutes, watching him dance. At that time, I still doubted myself. The way he danced in real life made me quite scared of being judged; as you know I’m a kind of person who is really scared of being judged. 

I hid behind a coconut tree and watched him dance with the hope that he couldn’t recognize me. I was totally confused on what to do and then decided to go back to parking, take my motorbike and go home because I thought I was not confident enough to dork dance in public.

At parking I still watched him dance, and somehow I rethought. I saw the strong energy in this person, the way he moved, and the way he said hi to everyone, it made me motivated.

I thought about the main purpose of Dork Dancing. This is not a dance group where people identify themselves for performance, this is a dance group dancing for mental health where people can come & dance whatever dance style they want.

Finally I picked up the courage I needed and joined him. He was really friendly and asked me about my relationship to dancing. We had such a good time dork dancing together, somehow I thought I totally belonged in this group.

The following days more people showed up, making me more motivated as I got more friends. After dancing, we hang out together for some food or drinks. That’s a good opportunity to connect our friendship and know more about each other. 

At Dork Dancing, everyone always supports me. They love and treat me so good. They consider me like a little brother. Especially Ethan, Sierra, Olga, Hannah, Lan...They always listen to me and inspire me with their advice & stories.

I think I’m the luckiest boy since I have too much love and support. And when you have too much love and support from everyone, that naturally turns you into a new version of yourself. It’s clear that Dork Dancing changed my life. Yes it did. It took me out of my dark side and challenged me.

I’m really grateful for Ethan. He always says that I’m the person who is sparking the fire but he doesn’t know that he actually is like fire, the fire of motivation which always inspires me.

He has devoted so much to Dork Dancing. Not only the dancer who started it, but also a person who connects people together. He is always willing to share and listen to all my stories. He has pushed my boundaries by taking me to some public events and letting me talk in front of many people. When I was young I always wanted to have a brother who protects me whenever I have troubles, and now I have him as a big brother. 

Day by day, Dork Dancing wasn’t only a community for dancing but also a community where I can be myself and share all my stories with everyone. As a member, dancer, crew, Dj or whatever everyone considers me at Dork Dancing, I will always continue to dedicate myself to this community the best way I can. One more time I want to say that I love Dork Dancing and everybody there.