Today is my 25th birthday! My friends reminded me that I just passed a quarter century; I feel like I’m old already. Like every year, my birthday is my time to reflect on the year that passed. I have to say that I never can forget this year – 2020. It was tough. It was filled with a lot of depression, but also with lots of joy too.

This year, because of COVID19, I had to close my little restaurant in Hoi An – my “child,” my everything, after almost 3 years. Starting this restaurant was the only reason why I had left everything in Ha Noi. I was just a young girl, right out of uni. I knew very little about the world before taking this risk.

I cannot forget the lessons my “child” taught me. To care and love everything, little by little. The restaurant was just a small place without fancy facilities. We could be ourselves, where everyone felt at home and was weird. That was our slogan: “make yourself at home.”

I love my customers. They spent long hours listening to my silly stories with my broken English. They stopped by and ordered my food just to talk with me: although they had to honestly say that they could not eat because they had dinner right before. They were patient even with hunger, helping when we were full of customers. 

I worked a lot though. My “child” reminded me that I should have had more time for myself too, instead of working 12-13 hours per day. Overworking like that can be too much.

I also love my staff – my lovely little sisters. They worked full of energy & kindness. My journey never could be full and meaningful without them. I love my neighbors, who took care of me as a family member. They always worried if I skipped a meal because of being busy, if I was sick or lonely.

Many people came as strangers but left as my good friends. They are always here in my heart, no matter how far apart we are. Thank GOD. I had a wonderful time, with all these wonderful people! There, I knew everything comes from heart to heart.

I don’t know how to express how grateful I am with all these things. Yes, maybe nothing lasts forever. 

I closed my restaurant in tears. I walked around Hoi An that night. I was totally lost. I didn’t know what to stay there for. I could not sleep. I had a strong headache for 2 weeks. I just cried everytime my friends or my customers asked where I was. I left Hoi An. I missed it all already. 

I tried to hide my deep sadness, as much as I could. I didn’t want my family to see that. They would have worried about me, and others would have laughed at my failure. I was so afraid of all of that. It could kill me.

I’m a strong girl and I have to show that I’m not a failure, I remind myself. Being with family helped. I spent every single day with them for 3 months in Ha Noi. It was my longest holiday ever, thanks to Covid. But I knew time was limited and I should enjoy that time with them. I did. It was peaceful.

But at the same time, I was still battling depression. I was scared of what was waiting for me after this time. I had to think about what I should do. I started to doubt myself. Who I am? What am I good at? What’s next?

If you are a person, you should easily answer all these questions, no? Congratulations! Poor me, I always struggle with it. Especially at that moment. My mind was just full of fear. I laughed in the day but cried, in silence, at night.

Finally, I just accepted things more. My heart still wanted to live near Hoi An. So here I am, relocated now in Da Nang.

I told myself, I don’t need to do big things this year. This time is a treat for me. As long as I can breath, that’s good. But starting a new life was not easy. I found a remote job. So I just stayed at home, worked, ate and slept without any social connection.

What a boring life! Again, I felt meaningless here. Why and why am I staying here? For what?

Well, It seems like I always find luck. I found Dork dancing.

I swear there are some things I hate (or just always think I never can do). Dancing was one of them. As a kid, my confidence in dancing and other things was lost. I struggled too with drawing, singing, and physical education. My marks were all bad marks. That set up in my mind that I should try to stay far away. So I never tried or joined any of these activities.

But somehow, I excitedly texted Ethan to ask about joining Dork Dancing. I thought that idea was fun and funny. Not so boring like my life working at home. 

I took all of my confidence and went straight to the beach where Thai and Ethan were dancing and suddenly, my motivation was gone. I was scared that I could not make it. People would laugh at my silly dancing. Instead of joining, I just pretended to pass them and jumped into the water.

2 weeks later, I thought again. I decided to give it one more try (although I still brought my towel, in case I would have to run away like a coward). This time, I stayed away and observed them carefully. It took about 15 minutes, my feet could walk toward them.

“Hi, can I join?”

“Hey, happy you are here…!”

Ethan & Thai warmly welcomed me. That made me feel so much better. But I was still so shy and uncomfortable with all the moving. But it was easy to understand. You can be the person who doesn't even clap the hand with the beat well.

I believed that they knew how to make me comfortable because soon I danced like I didn’t care about what was around me. I just felt great with the music and moved. I didn’t even know how I moved, my brain was just relaxed and stopped working at that moment. How amazing that feeling was.

Wow, unbelievable…I saw myself as a more active girl. For the first time, I experienced dancing, doing outdoor activities not only to help our bodies but to help with our mental health too. It helps a lot. 

Everyday, I look forward to finishing work, throwing my laptop and phone away, running to the beach ready to make my day with my new awesome friends. 

I know everybody has their own ups and downs in their normal lives. But at least, we have the most happiness an hour a day, when we leave all fears and anxiety back. Just be crazy, be yourself…That’s the best. 

Like my lil restaurant, Dork Dancing is a place to be weird and feel at home. I can’t say how much I like the people there. I feel their energy immediately when first meeting.

I love Anna who makes me very happy when I see her. We became really good friends in a short time. She’s a big reason why dork dancing was so comfortable and fun too. I love Thai – my little bro. He is a mature and enthusiastic guy. I love to see the way he dances. His face is shining all over the place.

And other people: Olga, Sierra, Limor, Susan, Clara, Vĩnh, Cường…..too many of you.

All are so delightful, energetic and so positive. We dance with the same music, feel the same atmosphere…No matter where we are from different countries, what languages we speak, we still hold hands together.

I didn’t realize that Dork Dancing was such a big thing that changed my mind, and even my life. I started to enjoy my life more, less afraid of judgements from other  people.

That's my full emotions, BIG THANKS to all the people and all the things that came to my 2020. It made my year full. These things helped me move to be a better version. I've turned into a new chapter of my life.

“I've tried all the things above which I thought I never could do. I’m challenging myself to know that my ability is not that limited. I can do it.”