Why Good Relationships Matter Most
Researchers have asked, what best keeps people healthy and happy in life? After a 75 year longitudinal study across social class, the answer became clear: good relationships (not money, fame, or working super hard).
If you prefer to read, I have notes from the video below, but it’s worth a watch!
Social connections are really good for us. They are life giving. People who are well connected are not only happier but are physically healthier and live longer too. Loneliness, contrastingly, kills. People who connect less than desired are less happy, lose their health earlier, and ultimately live shorter lives.
Unfortunately, more than ⅕ Americans will report feelings of loneliness at any given time. Loneliness can be experienced in a crowd or in a committed marriage. It’s not the number of friends you have, or simply being in a committed relationship, but the quality of your closest relationships that count most. Conflict-filled relationships are destructive and warm relationships are nurturing.
Evaluating someone’s satisfaction with their relationships, not markers of physical health, is the biggest predictor of how well they will live in the future. In the study, those who reported highest satisfaction with their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest and happiest at age 80. Good, close relationships protect against pain both in the body and brain, both physically and emotionally.
This research backs wisdom as old as the human race. We developed as social animals wired for connection and depend on one another for our survival. It’s not hard to understand and acknowledge, but why is it so easy then to forget and ignore? Because we are human and relationships are messy and complicated and they require lifelong dedication and work.
But it’s worth it. The study showed repeatedly that the people who leaned into family, friends, and community always fared better. Leaning into relationships can take many forms and the possibilities are endless. Less screen time, more people time. New shared experiences. Long walks. Date nights. Reaching out to old friends. (And of course, dork dancing!)
Bronnie Ware, a nurse who spent years caring for patients during the last 12 weeks of their lives, studied the regrets of the dying and found a similar theme. Here are a few of the most common regrets that she heard: “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.” “I wish that I let myself be happier.”
What is the purpose of life and what makes it good? It’s a big question but a well-researched answer begins to emerge. To love and build good relationships.
Dork Dancing facilitates opportunities for good relationship-building. This is big because good relationships really, scientifically, matter most.